on dwelling: an update

To preface, 2015 is year two of my choosing a word to represent the year as a whole. The word that lept off pages towards me is 'dwell'; if you'd like, you can hear lots more about what that looks like here. The Lord is good and sovereign in teaching me to dwell, given my recent recurring struggles with being sick/tired of this season and my less-than-credible age (I also write more on that here). Those two opposites are merging and they're teaching me lessons, spreading like wildfire.

------ 

Just three months of semi-conscious effort and battling, and dwelling is more extensive and more valley-filled than I'd originally thought. The idea sounded great: stay put, be all there, write a lot of words. Easy enough right? Maybe not. I've drained the ink of a few pens littering pages and pages with the word 'dwell' and questions concerning. 

Is dwelling in my nature? Am I still investing much if I travel more? Can I live a bit of a nomadic life and still plant roots deep? 

Recently I've spent some time with post-college friends. What a gift it has been seeing as this old college town lacks in that department. Some friends I've known for years, others I encountered for barely enough time to scratch the surface. Their lives leak wisdom; they can't help it. It's who they are, where they've been, what they know. Jesus was (and is) kind to let my life collide with theirs' over shared meals, at granite kitchen countertops and car rides, through songs sung in unison, as our heads hit the pillow. Collectively, probably not purposefully, their lives whisper to me that being 19 here and now is just fine- so life's rush starts to slow. 

I've spent the past six weekends in different beds and homes, practically living out of my beat up, so-sixth-grade Vera Bradley duffel. It's been exhilarating almost, exploring and revisiting. I've left each place with new thoughts written and stories to tell, but conflict's found its way into the cracks and crevices as it tends to do: can I really keep up this lifestyle and still call it dwelling? Or can I be all there wherever I am and that be enough? 

Three months in, and what I know is there's no tried and true formula or guaranteed outcome. Sometimes that's the core of my frustration; all the time it's the source of beauty in the stories we live. 

 

SMXLL