2022, a reflection.

a preamble:

each year before i start writing my ‘year in review,’ i reread my words from the year prior. it’s a bit of contemplative comfort, a nod of gratitude to the days that got me here. and usually, the process helps me descend into the open-hearted nostalgia required for the task of reflection. but this year more than anything, i was surprised– and kind of impressed.

the words i wrote last year really struck me; i used to have such a finger on the pulse of who i am. i used to spend my time differently. i used to write and photograph my life as often as i did anything else, and 2022 has seen me doing far less of each. thus, i’d like to speak an intention into 2023 before i even start to look back. it’s something i once would have considered backwards, and it is– but beautifully so. here’s to more words, more film!

now, a rewind. the last hours of 2021 began with a few friends at the bar we always go to, and dwindled across the street at a party i snuck into (with permission) so i could have that illustrious midnight kiss. as 2022 rushed in, i felt like i was a part of something. and i was; i am.

so it was a new year with more of the same– the same two jobs where i make the same drinks, the same brown-and-blue bedroom, the same morning coffee order, the same deep-down warmth of being in love. i’ve come to believe there’s a particular bravery when it comes to both staying put and leaving for somewhere new, and this year i started to tread the line between wanting them both. 2020’s favorite song, Oxbow, would learn to loop in my mind, “i want it all, all.”

and i tried my best to have it. with a bit of determination, 2022 would lend me some time away, stolen moments with people i love. reminiscing out late in both Jacksonville and Savannah, dinner on rooftops and in a yurt. the celebration of ‘1 year’ in Wilmington, a cancelled concert, yet cheers-ing anyway. a last minute road trip for a quick catch-up and to see RKS play ‘Work Out’ live for the first time, all to be back for work in the morning. 

spring and summer came and went, and my weeks stayed structured– thursday night dinner club, beach walks at low tide. i started reading again as the weather warmed; i had a goal of reading 20 books, and somehow ended up reading 93 (i saved $1703.65 by using the library this year!). when i wasn’t daydreaming, there were beach days and trips to Charleston: for concerts in the rain, cocktails and karaoke, meet-in-the-middle lunches. i turned 27 there too, over a clear morning hunting shark teeth and a rainy afternoon drinking cynar lemonades. 

in autumn the season slowed, and the beach seemed to sigh in relief. we went to baseball games and batting cages, played mini golf and arcade games. i went back to Nashville again and it still felt special. only this time, i found i miss its familiar streets, its restaurants i used to frequent, the people i love there. i still do want it all, all. 

winter’s around again and finds me fresh off my last trip of the year– taking in the magic of New York at christmastime. i breathed in the path to every old haunt, tried to freeze time over breakfasts with friends, walked Ridgewood in the rain for a solo dinner. i may have lived there for only a moment, but there’s no way i’d be me without those months.

and i suppose i wouldn’t be me without 2022 either. with all its comfort and confusion, library trips and beach walks, love and longing. as the year closes, i’m left feeling both settled and scattered, yet gratitude continues to punctuate each moment with some sense of peace. and for now, that’s all i really need. 

2022 BEST OF:

RECORDS:

  1. Stick Season - Noah Kahan (Homesick)

  2. Blue Rev - Alvvays (Tile by Tile)

  3. Highlight Reel - Trella (Float)

  4. Fruit from the Trees - Jack Van Cleaf (Rattlesnake)

  5. The Last Thing Left - Say Sue Me (The Memory of the Time)

SONGS:

  1. Boys - Indigo de Souza (an old song, but 2022’s new-to-me favorite!)

  2. Work Out - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

  3. Water Pressure - Another Michael

  4. The 1975 - The 1975

  5. Always Gonna Happen - Savannah Conley

BOOKS:

  1. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin 

    • picked this up because i liked the cover, and an unlikely story about friendship and video games ended up being the most beautiful book i read all year.

  2. Oona Out of Order - Margarita Montimore

    • a book unique in structure, that felt like a movie from the first page i read. oona is maybe my favorite protagonist of any story ever.

  3. This Time Tomorrow - Emma Straub

    • Straub’s writing always impresses me, but this was her best yet. a non-gimmicky time travel story, a love letter to new york.

  4. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid

    • what can i say? it lived up to the hype.

  5. Funny You Should Ask - Elissa Sussman

    • i delved into some romance novels this year, and though i fell in love with Emily Henry’s writing, this story felt particularly human in the midst of its sparkling cheesiness.